I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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