Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
