and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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