dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
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I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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