yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
