How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
