I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
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We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
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How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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