is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize