The maid of honor just puked.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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