you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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