Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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