I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
