so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
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You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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