Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize