i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
