yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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