Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
