I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
