Sry I called you an 8
You're earring is so big in my mouth
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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