My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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