I have demons in me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
