Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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