Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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