dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
