well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
