I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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