I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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