He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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