i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
