i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
