Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
