Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
