Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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