i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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