I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
