oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
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The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
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Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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