You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
why is half of my head shaved?
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