end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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