I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
