no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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