How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
