Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
