Define "chronic" masturbator.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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