Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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