I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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