Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
