It's Friday. Sex?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
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I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
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I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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