I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
