Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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