Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
