I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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