im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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