Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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