there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
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It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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