So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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