Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
