Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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