Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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