I cut my penus on the lid.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
this boner is exhausting
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
