you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize