Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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