wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
